I want to be a nomad. Wander around the world freely, never settling down too long in one place. I’d walk everywhere. See all the places and people and things I wouldn’t see otherwise. Experience more than I can even really imagine or comprehend. Fall in love every day, chasing the sun to my next destination. I’d carry my home around with me, on my back, in my heart. I’d be a storyteller, an artist, a student, a teacher. I’d learn the human experience, as best as possible, and I would be happy.
I want to be a happy mother and wife with a beautiful home and a beautiful family. Read books together in blanket forts we build, no limits on imagination. I want to make my babies sandwiches for lunch and go to all their soccer games and dance recitals and awkward middle school choir performances. I want to make scrapbooks out of our memories, and fill the house with love. Making a strong and lasting impact on the few around me would be deeply meaningful, and I would be happy.
I want to be a successful businesswoman, a leader. Stay a little more focused right now, ace the GMAT and matriculate in fall 2016 to Michigan’s Ross business school. I’d graduate with my MBA in 2018, Hunter with his MD the same year. We’d be a power couple. I’d be in management somewhere, leading a great team at a great company with a strong vision and lots of heart. I still think APAC taught me best, and the heart that truly loves, never forgets. I haven’t forgotten that feeling, the passion, the inspiration, the drive, and I would be happy.
I want to be a writer, a blogger, a creator of… something, but I’m not creative enough or maybe I just haven’t let myself really try. I’d have a really clever niche, something specific, a hobby maybe, to really absorb myself with and to give me something to share with others, through pictures, graphics, words. Something really interesting about me and my life, that others find interesting too. And I would be happy.
I want to be an elementary school teacher.
An estate lawyer.
An interior designer.
Just forget it all and move to the south of France and open up a charming little bread shop that always smells good…
Can’t I do it all?
I never really got around to making my 2014 New Year’s Resolutions. It’s now nearing the end of May. But here we are.
Stop hitting the snooze button on weekdays. It makes me sleepier.
Take long walks more often and read more books.
Do something that’s out of the ordinary at least a few times a month.
But embrace the ordinary every day. Make the ordinary extraordinary.
Take better care of my body.
Find all the best running routes around me.
Call or skype my parents once a week.
Refresh my efforts to do more for Hunt.
Spend as much time outdoors as possible this summer.
Stick to my budget… gotta save for retirement!
Keep more up to date on what’s happening in the financial world (hello flipboard on my morning commute).
Put things back where they belong after I’m done using them. This includes hanging up clothes and putting away dishes…
Finish the crafting projects that I start.
Continue improving as a budding chef.
Do more thinking and planning ahead.
Since I last posted –
- One of my two front teeth is actually not real. I broke it in 2012 while attempting a flip during a practice for this raas performance and now all that’s left is a little nub of a tooth to hold my fake tooth in place. It was done so well though, you can’t even really tell which one is real and which is fake!
- I am about to be officially and legally adopted! Strange thought, considering I’m 21 years old and I’ve been living with my mom and stepdad (the adopter) for the past 14 years of my life… very weird to think that he has never been my legal parent all this time.
- I’ve never been to a real wedding in my entire life. Even my mom and stepdad were just married in a very small civil ceremony sort of thing. My friends need to start getting married so I can go to one.
- The number of countries I’ve been to at this point = 23. Have a long list to go.
- When I was young(er), I used to take art lessons. I think I was 11 or 12 when I created this and this. Now, I can’t even manage to properly draw good looking stick figures.
- I was awarded Tap Dancer of the Year 2010 at my old dance studio haha, and to this day, it is one of the accomplishments I feel most pleased about.
- The “Hang On Little Tomato” pandora station is one hundred percent completely me.
- The first time I got drunk was with family, in China. The night ended with me building and curling up on a pillow bed under a table, and singing Chinese songs at the top of my lungs. My family got a huge kick out of it.
- I have an excessively small bladder. Pregnancy is going to be a huge problem.
- I used to really not like cats. Then I catsitted this darling for a summer and now I love cats.
- I technically have a halfbrother somewhere out there… who just turned into a TEENAGER this year. I realized this a few days ago. 13 in January. MAN does time fly, or what.
- I really like baby elephants. They’re so awkward and adorable and probably my favorite. But baby animals in general, really.
- I very rarely type in complete/grammatically acceptable sentences. But I speak in complete/grammatically acceptable sentences. I’m not really sure why that is.
- If I could change one thing about myself… it wouldn’t be my appearance or weight or intelligence… I would just want to be able to sing really well. I really think that life would just be THAT much better.
A friend’s facebook status recently (hah) – “the sun must always make way for the night. The lows make way for the highs. Plants feed on the light, but grow in the dark.” I thought it sounded quite nice, that’s all, but it does sort of resonate. Life is dualistic. Duality. Opposites. Newton’s law. Yin and yang.
Right now – growing up but also not at all growing up. Here’s what I mean –
GROWING UP THINGS IN MY LIFE, currently: taxes, rent/bills, credit cards, saving for retirement, job commitment, drinking nice (aka expensive, ugh) cocktails instead of cheap beer and shots of heaven hill (double ugh), real cooking, cleaning, reading the news during my daily commutes, sleeping before midnight, backaches
NEGATING GROWING UP THINGS, currently: apparently eternal optimism, finding honest delight in the little things, still letting my day to day experiences move me, binge watching TV shows and/or disney movies, constantly feeling amazed and appreciative of this world and how beautiful it is and how much potential is still out there to explore… laughing crazily, loving openly, singing loudly (and badly), pledging to always stay young at heart, not minding the rain (when it’s warm), feeling butterflies
A happily harmonizing co-existence. Adapting to new responsibilities; never losing curiosity, simple happiness, and trust in this world and this life.
P.S. Excuse my lack of complete sentences. Series 7 exam on Monday. Mental state subpar until then.
An example of a realistically ideal weekday –
midnight – Sleep. Dream happy dreams.
6am – Wake up, get dressed and ready for the day, make/eat breakfast, pack lunch, drink tea.
7am – Catch the bus and commute to work. Catch up on the news.
7:30am – Get into the office, get organized, get started…
noon – Have a nice, hour long lunch break. Go outside, breathe in fresh air, walk/frolic around the streets of downtown Chicago. Or maybe hit the office gym for a quick run, shower, then lunch. Be active. Be happy.
1pm – Back to work, hurray for productivity.
4:30pm – Leave, catch up on any errands/life maintenance things (grocery shopping, cleaning, picking up things, work out, cook, etc).
7pm - Eat a super delicious home-cooked dinner. Or maybe super delicious leftovers. Because life is busy.
8pm – Do something fun. From working on personal projects to figuring out new ways to make Hunter happy to getting together with friends to seeing a show or getting a good beer at a local pub to reading a book to making more progress on my afghan… Just doing SOMETHING so that my day isn’t solely centered around the work day.
midnight – Sleep.
An example of my current weekdays –
midnight – Sleep. Dream about clients and paperwork and deadlines, sigh.
6am - Wake up, get dressed and ready for the day, make/eat breakfast, pack “lunch”.
7am – Catch the bus and commute to work. Flashcards on my phone, study study study.
7:30am – Get into the office, get to work. Work and work, constant activity. Work through lunch. Eat handful of nuts, piece of fruit, baggie of veggies (aka small, non-messy, bite-sized pieces that I can put in my mouth while still working).
4:30pm(ish) – Leave, catch the bus, more flashcards on my phone.
5:30pm(ish) - Skype? Eat something for dinner.
7pm - STUDY. Reading class notes, doing problems, take practice exams, reading chapters of the book.
midnight – Sleep.
My observation – Work and studying for this exam (that I need to pass for work) have basically taken over my life at this point, and it’s making my days go by really, really quickly. I never have enough time at work to accomplish everything I want to do in the day (there’s just SO much to get done, do not even get me started) and then I never have enough time out of work to do all the studying I want to do in the day, and so the hours are just flying by. And so the days are just flying by. And so the weeks are just flying by…
I’m learning that this kind of lifestyle can only be temporary for me. I know that for many people, their career is their priority, and that’s what makes them happy. And why shouldn’t it? We spend so many hours in the day doing our jobs; it can be a great feeling to work towards something and see results and grow and create and make some kind of difference. But for me, and I always knew this, I don’t want my job to be my life. I want it to be a decently big part of my life, of course, but I don’t want it to define me. That’s so limiting! I also want my life and who I am and how people see me to be about everything else that I do with myself, and what I can accomplish and add to this world outside of the office. I want to be a good friend, neighbor. Appreciate nature, experiences, other people. Always find joy in the little things, always want to create joy in little ways.
The point – Days are the units that make up weeks and weeks make up months and months make up years, so each one is important. This is a reminder to myself to make sure all my days count because I don’t want to wake up one day when I’m 30 and think to myself – how did so much time just pass me by so unnoticed? Living thoughtfully, actively, consciously, that’s the goal. Here’s to being in my twenties. Realistically, ideally.
So… I’m back! It’s been quite the hiatus. Not the most restful one either; this past month and a half has been crazy filled with changes, learning, fast-paced days, and lots of adjustment. Good thing I’ve always been good at adapting, right?
I’ve made a decision about this “blog” (not really sure what else I could call it). I’m simplifying it. In the fall, I was excited to take on this project, to learn some basic graphic design and photoshop things, to post in different categories, to have a semi-rigorous posting schedule, to actually attempt to build something that I wouldn’t mind sharing.
I don’t have time for that now that I’m back from Europe and living “real life” and working full time and studying half of my free time. But it really would be a shame if I abandoned my namesake URL altogether. So, simplify. Back to the basics. Write about what I want when I want, post the silly ramblings of my head and my heart. Hope that not very many people I know in real life read this.